Allow Me to Blurb It Out
I love my parents; I really do. But my life is so exhausting and stressful because of them. This really isn’t healthy for me. It never has been. That’s why I feel so detached from them. I have a tendency to be so mentally unstable and vulnerable because of them and I’m trying really hard to go about this ‘idgaf’ attitude, but I’m scarred with how I’ve been raised. I understand that I’m still their 18-year-old, but shit… I feel like I’m 25 (I ain’t complaining)… just give me the benefit of my situation and allow me to figure out my life because there’s no turning back time and wishing I had the mindset of a high-schooler.
Anyway, I’m exhausted with trying to please them and as much as they tell me that they’re allowing me to live my own life (which, in a way, they are doing), I’m still conflicted with their approach to it. I’m doing pretty well with life and I praise God that He’s been constantly providing me with strength, knowledge, and sanity. But still… once my parents involve themselves in the equation, I revert back to this weak person who just wants my life to end. I’M SO TIRED. I feel like a horrible person talking about my parents this way but it’s the damn truth. I’ll always give a fck no matter how much I try not to. And because of that, I’ll always have this unhealthy habit of indulging in my weaknesses.
I don’t know how incoherent I’m sounding right now but I have a paper to right and I needed to get some of this off my chest momentarily so I can concentrate a little more.
By the way, to my parents whom will never read this unless you both make a proactive effort to monitor me and my social sites:
I still love Melvin so much and regardless what you think about him, you have yet to really know him and his potential. I understand that judging what you see on the surface is the most tangible and efficient way of analyzing things, but life is complex and so are people and relationships. Please don’t be close-minded and say things so ignorantly. I do understand where you’re coming from but like I said, you’re just scratching the surface. You should be confident in the daughter you raised and in the life choices I am making, especially when it comes to choices that affect the rest of my life. I promise I’m not stupid and I’m not going to waste my life. Plus, God knows the plans He has for me and those will ultimately come into fruition. I wholeheartedly trust that and you should, too. Just saying.
Jeremiah 29: 11-13 is my life verse for this very reason: it reminds me of my purpose in life. That’s why I’ll never succumb to my weaknesses or allow myself to give up. If anything, be proud that my faith is strong and please allow me to do what I need to do for my well-being.
I need to start my paper now. A part of me really hopes you both read this, but that’s too risky because I’ve never been exactly transparent. Err, yeah.
